Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
