I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize