I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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