I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
