I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
