I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
