grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
