woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
