So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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