We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
