Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
