She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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