Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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