toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh god the rape fog is back!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
