Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
