You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
