it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
