I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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