the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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