she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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