if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
