I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize