hotel room ftw
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
