My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
