and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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