The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
