I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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