When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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