I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
