i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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