U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
