I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
