that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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