I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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