I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
