so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
worst night to have a conscience
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Randomize
