Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
this hospital has no fireball
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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