I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
