hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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