if i died would you start the facebook group?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
