I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
