Apparently you make a good broom.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
