Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

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(440): View more from Ohio

Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out

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(319): View more from Iowa

Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

(319): View more from Iowa

Thanks bro

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(950): View more from

The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.

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(541): View more from Oregon

YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?

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