Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize