Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
