the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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