I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
