Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
