Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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