I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
