If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are a genius and a whore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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