I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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