I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
