hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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