just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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