I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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