yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
