Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
