Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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