oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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