When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
