i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
