When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so let's talk penis.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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