I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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