I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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