Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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