wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
