Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
