i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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