I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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